The internet doesn't work hard enough

I'm currently on the lookout for a new bike. One that I can knock about town without fear of it getting stolen or guilt about me breaking it. I will probably go at least some way down the single speed route but not all the way to a fixie and skinny jeans, my legs are too big.

At the moment i'm doing the ebay curb crawl, very soon I will resort to the gumtree hunt. But what i really want is some way to put it out there there that i'm looking for a new bike with so and so spec and for it to come to me. Sort of like a message in a bottle.

The internet is totally capable of doing this for me, i just don't think its working hard enough.